If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
