so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize