I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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