The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
