I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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