Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
