Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
