Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
