Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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