im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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