She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
this is an emotional support booty call
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