i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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