she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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