Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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