First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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