Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
