Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
