I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize