you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize