i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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