i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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