i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
