Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
