I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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