you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
