Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
