I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
