I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
