My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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