Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
