Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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