The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
