well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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