i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize