someone get that fucking seahorse.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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