you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize