franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
3pm strippers are depressing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
