That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
