out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
