i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
