Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
