i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
