I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
