she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
