Barsexuality is the new black.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
