singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
