Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
