This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
