Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
