I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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