I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
