just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
