Just cropdusted the office
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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