Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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