i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
