There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
