i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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