dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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