this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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