That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
