its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
