i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
