I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
