the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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