Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
