You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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