Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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