I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
