ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
