this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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